Random Life Musings, Part One

--The headline for this link, "Richardson Says Goodbye to the Backstreet Boys", writes its own jokes, but I will throw one in for starters...don't you have to leave a boy band when your 15 minutes are up because you begin drawing Social Security?

--No matter how much big brothers might wish it so, baby brothers can not be pulled through crib slats for playitme. Baby brothers also can not fly...write that down.

--Putting keys into strange holes only causes walls to move that reveal cars and other fun prizes hiding behind them on "The Price is Right"...trying this at home only reveals the fun of electrical shocks.

--Although 5 out of 5 vets recommend against it, a baby can ride his favorite St. Bernard around like a horsey wearing nothing but a smile and a cowboy hat.

--Everything remains in constant motion until it needs gas or a taco or something...it's a law of physics, I swear.

--Unbreakable plastic peanut butter jars, when hurled Nolan Ryan style against a wall, aren't.

--There are very few things cooler than writing something that makes the blog page of one of your favorite writers. I have had that good fortune now twice as of today, I hope it happens many more times in the future, and yes, it betrays my supreme level of dork-dom.

--Asking for the same set of directions 5 times from the same convenience store clerk and then driving off down the road and sidewalk at 6 A.M. is statistically more likely to result in an involuntary meeing with law enforcement.

--Sometimes the only thing thugs, goblins, and hooligans understand or respect is the business end of a firearm.

--It is perfectly natural to moonwalk across the kitchen floor of the restaurant you work in, with no music playing, at 1:30 A.M., if you have consumed 19 drinks in a shade under nine hours.

--Child rapists, once all appeals are exhausted, should be castrated for the first offense, and executed for any future offense(s)...same goes for people who make false rape allegations.

--Most humans can tolerate spinning around as fast as possible without puking or pooping on themselves...as I found out at age 5, kitties and puppies, not so much.

--Life is learned backwards, experienced in the present, and lived forward.

--New kids in school have a hard enough time making friends without crushing on the cutest girl in school and scooping up all the academic and athletic awards in sight.

--The same standards you apply to decide whether to allow people to enter and remain in your life should hold no exceptions for relatives. You do the crime(s), you do the time.

--The radical feminist movement and women's failure to stop its spread means that any woman who is lamenting her inability to find a "real man" should first look in the mirror for who is responsible. Any real man who feels out of place in today's world because of that should do the same thing.

--Square pizza, three veggies, a roll, and chocolate milk for $1.35 was taken for granted in high school. It is a deal most broke college students would kill for a few short years later.

--If my last name was Pancake, I would change it before I entered into any beauty pageants.

--Pile drivers, submission moves, and leaping onto another human from great heights are not nearly as much fun in real life as it appears to be on WWE.

--If you have enough true friends to fill up even the fingers on one hand, you are truly blessed.