Is a Slowdown Ever Really Good For You?

Dierks Bentley's new hit, "Settle for a Slowdown", carries in it the basic idea that the singer would like for the woman who is leaving him to at least slow down a little. He has resigned himself to the idea that she isn't coming back, but her leaving so fast makes him feel like their relationship meant very little, if anything.

That got me to pondering whether such a slowdown would actually be a good thing for either party, the leaver and/or the person being left. On the one hand, it is understandable for someone to want to see some tangible sign, to have some idea that the time, energy, and feelings they invested into another person actually meant something. It's also plausible that someone who is the leaver in a romatic situation might want to take some action to show the person they are leaving that they really did care in spite of that person not being the long-term answer for the leaver. These are gut-level, emotional responses that make total sense to someone who is in pain due to an intense breakup.

Despite the emotional sense these feelings might make, I believe they are actually harmful to both parties if undertaken by either. On the leaver end of the equation, such an attempt to slow down and show they actually did care could be miscontrued by the leavee (yes I know that isn't a word) as the leaver having second thoughts about leaving and potentially as a sign they want to resume the relationship. Further, it prevents the leaver from fully moving away from someone who, in their mind and heart, has already been determined to be a lost cause...in the process, the leaver might even end up sabotaging a relationship they do want for the long term if they mishandle the process of moving on from a past relationship. It isn't worth it to sacrifice a potential true love by wallowing in the past and trying make an ex feel better about a now defunct relationship.

The same problems I just described above for leavers apply equally for someone who is being left behind in a failed relatioinship. The main thing I would add to the above dangers is that a slowdown is not what the leavee wants anyway, and would not be satisfactory even if it happened. The true desire of the person being left was for the leaver not to take off in the first place. Now that that's happened, a slowdown on the leaver's way out the door is not only a poor substitute for staying, but just as I laid out earlier with the leaver, it's similarly contrary to the continued sanity and well-being of the leavee. It's similar to having a Band-Aid pulled off...I would rather have it pulled off quickly and get the worst pain over immediately and ASAP rather than drag out that same excruciating pain over time any day.

The moral of the story is this: if there is a mutual interest and ability to maintain a friendship after a romantic couple has parted ways, then by all means those two individuals should give it a try and see if it works. If on the other hand, the person being left is still too emotionally involved and/or hurting too badly for a mere friendship to work, or both parties decide the break should be permanent and complete, then it would be better to simply end all contact and move on, painful though that may be. Though I truly dig the song, I simply can't see any situation where the slowdown Dierks Bentley sings about is ever a good idea.

"Settle for a Slowdown"
by Dierks Bentley

I must look just like a fool, here in the middle of the road
Standing there in your rearview and getting soaked to the bone
This land is flat as it is mean, a man can see for a hundred miles
So I'm still praying I might see the glow of a brake light

But your wheels just turn down the road ahead
If it hurts at all you ain't showed it yet
I keep a lookin' for the slightest sign
That you might miss what you left behind
I know there's nothing stopping you now
But I'd settle for a slowdown

I held on longer then I should
Believing you might change your mind
And those bright lights of Hollywood would fade in time

But your wheels just turn down the road ahead
If it hurts at all you aint showed it yet
I keep a lookin' for the slightest sign
That you might miss what you left behind
I know there's nothing stopping you now
But I'd settle for a slowdown

But your wheels just turn down the road ahead
If it hurts at all you aint showed it yet
You're just a tiny dot on that horizon line
Come on tap those brakes baby just one time
I know there's nothing stopping you now
I'm not asking you to turn back around
I'd settle for a slowdown
Come on just slow down
I'd settle for a slow down