The Wisdom of Vince Vaughn, as Jeremy in "Wedding Crashers"

"I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there you're wondering "Do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested, but I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested, but do I want to be interested, but now she's not interested, so now all of a sudden I'm getting...I'm started to get interested." And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door 'cause then it's awkward? It's like, well, goodnight. Do you do like the ass-out hug, where you like, you hug each other like this and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close, or just go right in and kiss them on the lips, or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation; and all the while you just really want to know are we going to get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions, or perhaps play a little game called just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels or ouch, ouch you're on my hair."