No, It Couldn't Possibly Be...Wait, Could It?!

I said in my Christmas post that I was/am truly appreciative of my friends throughout the year, but that's especially true in the midst of this holiday season (Mike, Kimball, Nathaniel, T-Dawg, and Rachel get special props). Anyone who knows me well knows that these last couple of months for me have been a very interesting, sometimes difficult, and completely necessary journey. I answered some very hard questions that needed answering, made some tough calls that had to be made, and even got a few answers of my own that I badly needed. This roller coaster went all the way up through Christmas Day itself, and then something happened that may just change my life forever.

I remember reading this blog post of the special woman who is on my heart and mind at this moment which wondered aloud how much nicer the world in general and people's love lives would be if we lived every day with the warmth and generosity of the Christmas season, and it really touched my heart. Until Christmas night this year, I'd heard people say to me so many times that God would most bless you and bring you your heart's desire when you stopped looking that I wanted to puke when I heard that on a good day and slap them if they said it on a bad one. But what if...? Just what if it really is true? It couldn't possibly be that after running the good race with integrity and honesty for so long and coming up short, being a solid man and a hopeful romantic somehow no one thinks worthy of keeping around for the long haul, and finding yourself at the point (even with my spiritual priorities finally right) that your heart honestly feels like it just can't take anymore, that God would choose that moment to pen the opening chapters of your fairy tale...could it?

I am now 24 hours and counting from beginning the journey of answering those questions I just posed above, and I am, at once, a mixture of giddiness, desire, and yes, even a little bit of fear. I am a textbook example of a man who doesn't count his chickens until they are running around the farm and making eggs of their own, but at this one, I am excited and hopeful in a way that I can't ever recall being before. My prayer for me and all of my friends and loved ones is and has been that, if/when we encounter something amazing, we have the courage to look our cynicism and our pasts square in the eye and believe in the possibilities of greatness that could be in spite of it all...that we not dismiss these possibilities out of hand simply because it doesn't look like anything we've seen before or might require things of us we are unsure if we can give or do...and that once those doubts are faced down, that we step out in faith and enjoy the journey, wherever it leads. I thank God for the strength He has given and yet will provide me to live out this prayer, and as it just so happens, that's exactly my plan for tomorrow night...and it can't possibly arrive soon enough to suit me. :)