Overdoing it Just a Tad?

I am sure everyone is wondering about the special woman from Friday night. OK, so yeah, the night itself went well enough. She wasn't feeling so well, but it meant a lot to me that she was still game and interested enough to make the effort to see me somehow. We stayed in and watched movies and then grabbed sandwiches at Subway...very simple yet fun, but I've always thought it's less about the activities and more about the company, and in this case, the company was top notch. :)

So if that's the case, why, you might ask, would someone as otherwise together as me act like John Cusack in the beginning of "Must Love Dogs" (i.e., like a brilliant but an occasionally quasi-crazy person)? Fine question, I'm glad you asked...please step into my nightmare, it's still warm :) I've met my share of women, dated a few of them seriously, and had lots of experiences, some good and others not so good. The point is that all of them did end (mostly not at my request), and I took that as a sign that I needed to get my priorities in order before getting into another serious relationship. With a little time and lots of hard work, I accomplished just that. While that was/is definitely a positive and necessary journey for me, it meant I was single for quite some time. It also meant I hadn't dated anyone seriously since I got things right with the Lord. It's there that we enter Friday night and the run-up thereto.

She and I had been talking for about a week, and things had been going famously, I mean really super. It was like we both couldn't believe that people like one another even existed, much less that we would find one another and be mutually interested. I am not sure exactly at what point it happened, but somehow things began to go a little sideways. Imagine a man dying of thirst in an arid desert. Now imagine someone handing that same man a glass of ice cold water...the temptation for the man is to gulp the water, potentially making himself sick in the process.

So it was with me and trying to do too much too soon. I overdid it with the compliments, planned too much ahead of time assuming it would be OK (and we all know what assuming does), and just got ahead of myself and reality in general. The headline on her page says, "Don't chase me anymore, not unless you are willing to catch me...". I am definitely willing to pursue her and I would like to catch her, but it isn't necessary to try to do all that in the first weekend we meet, and then tackle her and do a celebration dance on top of that...just too much. Or, to borrow from my earlier analogy, intermittently sipping the water would be much more healthy on the front end. We're both young, there's nothing but time ahead of us, and there's no need to rush.

Then, we were supposed to go to the Titans/Patriots game on Sunday, until she texted me Saturday night telling me she couldn't make it because she needed to help her sister move in. My somewhat terse (in retrospect) response was , "It happens." What I meant by that was that I understand that things like this happen, but I am positive it did not come off that way, and that's no one's fault but mine. I tired to send a remedial message later with no response. Although more notice of cancellation would have been appreciated, sometimes life just happens that way and there's nothing that can be done about it. Also, family is family, and family comes first. She's known her sister for all of her sis's 19 years on this planet, and she's really only known me for less than 19 days...it's just no contest. If my brother needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat just the same way she was for her sister. She did the right thing and I reacted improperly. Even though I meant nothing untoward by my response, the responsibility for my reply lies only with me.

Simply put, I don't have an excuse or even a good reason for either of these things, and I won't offer one or lamely try to deflect blame onto something else. Being sick, tired, and/or bummed out just doesn't cut it. As part of my spiritual walk, it is incumbent upon me to apologize and ask for forgiveness when I realize I've done something(s) I shouldn't have, so that's what I am doing here and will do with her personally if given the opportunity. Like John Cusack in "Must Love Dogs", this woman didn't see my A, B, or C game this weekend...not good times. Also just like in the movie, I am now off the bench in the game of love and I am certainly interested in her. I know that I have no claim on her and that's she's perfectly within her prerogative if she tells me to take a hike at this point. My hope, however, is that this fantastic woman will remember all the things she liked about me on the front end and give me a mulligan, whether I deserve it or not. If I'm fortunate enough to receive such a pass, I'll do all I can to make it worth her while. ;)