Tap Dancing Through Life

With me, up until about two years ago, the focus of life ever since I could remember had always been about something else first and foremost rather than Chris. First, it was getting good grades in high school and excelling in sports, then finishing with a certain GPA and rank, then getting into college. After HS, it was rinse, lather, and repeat that same process at undergraduate school...charging after good grades, doing extracurriculars, playing D-1 football, and working two jobs at a time. Then it was on to law school, and although I wasn't playing ball anymore, school was much more demanding, and I worked full-time to help pay for school. I was basically in survival mode for those three years. Then, I got my first attorney job, which paid so poorly I had to wait tables on top of that to make the bills, so still, no time for much else.

I think what I've described above occurs most frequently in young people, especially those with ambition who are driven to succeed professionally. I don't think anyone ever intentionally sets out to tap dance their way through life, but we all do, and we all have at some point. Tap dancing occurs when we are so focused on something, usually external, that we lose at least part of who we are. Or, in the case of young people, especially those in survival mode and/or trying to make a name and a place for themselves in the world, maybe they don't have or take the time to figure out lots of important things they never knew to begin with. In the process, we forget to take care of ourselves and figure out what we want, what's important to us, and who we are. Living life this way is very likely the genesis of many quarter-life crises, because once school is done and the world is here, the journey of defining one's self begins in earnest, whether we want it to or not.

Back to my story, a couple of years ago now, I landed my current job as an Assistant Public Defender. I moved all the way across the state to a strange place, knowing no one, and taking a job I had last learned anything substantive about 4 years ago in a single law school class. Fortunately, I got the hang of my job pretty easily, and I have learned a lot in addition to getting some good trial experience. Moreover, while it won't make me rich, this is the highest paying job I've ever had, and it has provided me a little financial breathing room and does not necessitate me taking a second job. :)

What's especially noteworthy about this job, however, is that it's a state position, meaning I basically work 8-4:30 and that's it. I'd never, EVER had this kind of free time in my life, and frankly, it scared the crap out of me because I had no idea what to do with it. Accordingly, I once thought that getting this job, with all the free time it brings, was one of the worst things that had ever happened to me. As I would soon find out, it ended up being one of the best and most vitally necessary times in the life of me.

The more free time I had that passed, I soon realized there were a lot of things I didn't know about myself, and these were important things! Not only that, I now had the time to figure this stuff out, and these questions were demanding answers. What does Chris want from life? What makes him happy? Where do I place my hope, faith, and trust? It was certainly high time for the journey to find those answers to begin, but it hasn't always been easy or fun. While my learning curve has (thankfully) been pretty sharp and steep, there's been more than my share of sad, painful, and/or uncomfortable times, plenty of mistakes, and lots of soul searching...in addition to the many amazing experiences I've had and the wonderful people God has brought into my life.

"Life is a journey, not a destination" is definitely a cheesy motivational poster saying, but it makes more sense to me now than it ever has. There will be plenty of landmarks, accomplishments, and heartbreaks in life, but one of the secrets of leading a happy and fulfilled life is to never get complacent and rest on any of those things...it's about walking out the journey God has for us, savoring each and every experience along the way, always being willing to learn from both our successes and failures, and adapting our lives accordingly.