2006 Reflections and 2007 Resolutions

Wow, I can't believe an entire year has gone by so quickly! Seems like just yesterday, I was wondering how 2006 got here so fast, but such is life. The beginning of 2006 brought about, hands down, the change of my entire life...my spiritual reawakening and making things right with the Lord after having been far away from Him for quite some time. As good a writer and speaker as I am, words simply fail when attempting to express how thankful I am that God never quit on me...so a simple "Thank You Father" will have to do. If that was all I accomplished in 2006, it would be a resounding success of a year by any measure.

As I look back on the year past, I honestly can't believe how much things have changed for me in so many ways, how much I really have accomplished (if only I give God the glory and myself some credit), and how much there still is yet to be done. It is on that note and in that spirit that I begin 2007, broken of my delusions of being able to do anything on my own and humbled before God, but resolved and cautiously optimistic inside in a way that has never been before.

I truly feel that Satan did everything in his awful power to try to strangle my relationship with God in its crib and kill me in the process...HE HAS FAILED! I now understand that my spiritual awakening was not the end, but rather the beginning. To those whom much is entrusted by God, much more is expected of them, and that means me. He has trusted me with so much...it's high time I started thinking, acting, and living like it. If I do that, I am confident that everything else will work out. So here goes, Chris's 2007 New Year's Resolutions...

1.) Stretching- OK, so this has nothing to do with my faith, lol, but if it makes me healthier and feel physically better, then it certainly can't hurt the mental and spiritual side of things. My workouts with weights and cardio are more or less where I'd like them to be, but as my days of competitive sports get farther in the rear view mirror, my flexibility has decreased quite a bit. I feel my muscles tighten too quickly during periods of exertion, and I cramp up far more than I should. So if I can even take 5 minutes a day to do some quality stretching, it should help a lot...and as of today, I am one for one on the year, WOO-HOO! :)

2.) Learning to Better Forgive Myself, Grieve Losses, Let Go, and Move Forward- These things are all inextricably linked, and as I've discovered the hard way, especially these last couple of months, they are some of the things the Enemy was using to hold me back and keep me down. Since re-dedicating my life to the Lord and my Boot Camp experience, I have made substantial progress in the area of forgiving others, grieving whatever pain was caused or loss suffered by me due to their actions, and then moving on. For that, I am more thankful than I can adequately express, and that progress certainly lifted some heavy weights of the past from me. There's just one little thing...somehow I forgot to follow this process on/with myself. I know beyond any doubt that God has forgiven me the mistakes I have made, whether stumbling in my faith, hurting others, etc. That's all well and good, but it doesn't really count for a whole lot if you are sabotaging yourself from within with a lack of self-forgiveness...besides, it only makes sense that if God commands us to forgive others and if He forgives us freely, then we should treat ourselves no differently.

Imagine this for a moment: picture yourself in your daily life, and then imagine that with every action you take, you feel the entire weight of the past 26+ years of mistakes you've ever made weighing down upon you. Now, if that isn't heavy enough, try adding this on top of it...when you do make a mistake (and you will), imagine replaying in your mind every ounce of pain and regret you've ever experienced in similar situations past, and that should give you a glimpse of how I've lived my life up to, well, until yesterday. The biggest problems caused by thinking and living this way are twofold: a.) living with and in a spirit of fear to the point of near-paralysis; and b.) then once you realize the mistake you've made, trying to correct an entire life's worth of miscues in a single response, throwing faith and patience right out the window, and actually making things worse by overcompensating badly in the process. Anyone who knows me well can attest to the havoc this has wrought in my life (especially in the area of romantic relationships), and it simply must end. Leave it to God to use the one area of my life with which I struggle most and which I used to try to withhold from him to affect the biggest changes in my life for the good; He's an interesting fellow like that, and that's just how He rolls, yo! :)

Again, as with resolution #1, I started today. Driving back home today, I left the radio off and just talked to God for most of the trip. I literally sat and thought of every mistake I could think of having made, every loss I had suffered and not yet grieved for, and everything for which I hadn't yet forgiven myself, and I just gave it to Him. It certainly isn't the end and there's more to be done I'm sure, but it was a fine beginning. It's a good thing for me that life is lived in the present and experienced moment to moment, because that means there is always fresh opportunity for a change in both behavior and direction, even when I mess up in the future. It isn't going to be an easy process, but if I lean on God moment to moment, each hour, each day, and even more so during times I am feeling down or weak, then His word says that I am guaranteed success, so that is where I put my trust and hope.

3.) Getting off the Bench and Learning About my Spiritual Gifts- The first step here is attending church more regularly than I have been...I think it's time. After Boot Camp, I was so spiritually full and had so much to process that I took a brief hiatus from formal church until I could figure some things out. If I am completely honest with myself and with God, however, I think that once I accomplished that, I inadvertently and unitentionally lapsed into a state of spiritual atrophy that bred laziness. With no place to go to get spiritually replenished on a regular basis and no use of the gifts God has given me, that's really not so surprising. I don't know exactly what God wants me to do, where He wants me to do it, or what I would specifically be good at, but it's awful hard to find these things out if you aren't actively looking, isn't it? I have some ideas though about how I might fit in...for example, I know I have a spirit of service. Rare and implausible though it may be this day and age, it actually makes my heart smile to serve, fulfill, encourage, and lift up others. Given that Christ came to us as a servant, that seems like something He could put to good use, no? ;) Perhaps in exercising my spiritual muscles with which I've been gifted, I can find my ministry...again, by leaning on God, I'm guaranteed success, and that gives me hope.

As I sit here writing this post, I don't have the foggiest idea of exactly what my life will look like as the next year unfolds. There's much to do and experience, and no time like the present to get started. One thing is certain though...in sticking to these resolutions, it is sure to be an interesting ride if nothing else, and I am genuinely excited to see where God takes it. So, in closing, in the words of our President, I say to this upcoming year, "Bring it on!"; and to the Enemy, because the Lord is in my corner and you have no chance, I quote the famous ring announcer Michael Buffer, "Let's get ready to rummmmmbllllle!" ;)