To Hell With Being a Last Option or Anything of the Sort

In my dating life, I used to keep people around that I went out with if they were nice, had no major flaws, were good people, etc. This did not work, and it caused more problems than it was worth, mostly because it drained my time, attention, and resources away from other more worthy and compatible candidates (present or potential). So, I changed course. Unless the woman was someone I could be friends with in a clearly defined role as such and both of us were cool with that, I simply had to go my separate ways from that person. While it has led to a few more lonely social nights than I might otherwise prefer, the benefits far outweigh the downside.

One of my friends recently said that we should not make someone a priority if they are willing to make us only an option, and I think she is right. I think if I am seeing someone, I should definitely have first priority in terms of time and scheduling (work, school, and other obligations notwithstanding). With someone who may have potential as a romantic interest, while I may not be entitled to first priority status, I am damn sure not going to settle for being someone's last option...someone to be picked up and put down on a whim, to be used as leverage to get they guy they really want, to be someone to talk to or hang out with only when it is convenient, and/or because they are bored and bereft of other options. I am a better man and friend than that, and I refuse to allow myself to be demeaned and insulted in such a way.

Maybe I am selfish or severely overvaluing the worth and fun of my company, but I simply think that the people you care about and who profess to care about you should want to spend time with you. I have said this many times before and it bears repeating, "Anyone who says they don't have two minutes to pick up the phone or shoot you an e-mail or an hour to sit down and share a meal is either lying, doesn't care, or is some combination of both." As another friend of mine once said, "I'm not even angry, it's just made me sad and now I don't care anymore."

Actions definitely speak louder than words, and it's high time for certain people to back up what they say or just stop talking.