Memo to All Married Douchebags Looking for Affair Fun

My online buddy Chickpea rolls out what should be the default answer of every woman to any idiot man who goes looking for a little something on the side. I think this should apply to any level of committed relationship, from monogamous dating to marriage. Read the whole thing...it's priceless, and there's a definite language alert in effect for this one.

Dear Married, Engaged, or Otherwise Attached Men,

Fu*k you. Do not contact me*. Do not butter me up with compliments. Do not send me flowers. Do not manipulate me into thinking that your wife/fiancee/girlfriend is this horrible bit*h and you just want to be loved when you know damn well she is nothing of the sort. Do not tell me "it's just the sex that's a problem" because that clearly indicates there's a communication issue as well. Do not tell me it's too hard financially to divorce. Do not tell me how miserable your relationship is and then turn around a few weeks later and tell me how great it is. If it's that great then why the sweet blue fu*k are you trying to get into my pants? Clearly it's not that great but you're too much of a chickensh*t to either fix the problem or end it and I will not sit around and wait for you, let you use me for a fu*k, or be your GD counselor. I will not be the one you get to have your little affair with. I will not be "the other woman" anymore.

You don't know what damage you do just because you're dick needs sucked. You hurt your wife/fiancee/girlfriend. You expose them to God only knows what kinds of diseases because, and I hate to break it to you, not everyone tells the truth. You hurt them and you hurt me too. You make me think I am something special. You tell me I'm some one you'd be with in a different circumstance. You tell me I'm everything she isn't. You don't know what kind of damage that does or the pain it inflicts. You don't care either. You think with your dick and only your dick. Forget anyone who gets hurt, right? It's their fault for believing you, right?

Fu*k you, fu*k you, fu*k you.

Kindly,
Chickpea