No Seriously, I Really AM Made of Money

I swear, the utter incompetency of the vast majority of government bureaucratic employees (not like me, because I actually, you know, work) increases proportionately with the size of the bureaucracy (the federal government is less competent than the state government and the state government is less competent than the locals). I hate this, and I am so mad right now I can barely see straight. I recently got a promotion from a position funded by the city to a state position, and although direct deposit is mandatory with my new position, the first paycheck has to be mailed or otherwise gotten to me.

Since I moved from the address the State had on file for me, I asked in writing that that first check be sent to the office to make sure I actually got it. The entire time, the little voice in my head kept telling me there's no way in HELL that would actually work and my check arrive on time, and the little voice was right. The State was notified of this change in position back in AUGUST and the request to have the check sent here was made the first week of September, so these hacks have only had 45 days or so to get this right.

I guess it's too much to ask that the flunkies do the job their worthless hides get paid for...and obviously, I am made of money, so any delay in my paycheck I'll just have to deal with, no matter if checks and auto-debits for my bills start bouncing like a basketball. I won't be reimbursed for any of that, my credit gets jacked up for late payments, and no one cares...but if I were to tell the State to perform anatomically impossible acts upon themselves and to cover their own blasted courts until I get my pay for time I have already worked, I'd be fired and disbarred, while the slapnuts in charge of making sure I get paid couldn't get off their a$$es long enough to do what they are paid to allegedly do still get to keep their jobs. Gotta love it.

This story forwarded by a colleague of mine just about says it all about how I feel (minus the boiling fury and brokeness until this mess is fixed of course)...enjoy!

THE GOVERNMENT CAT

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

The second man was an Acountant,

the third man was a Chemist, and

the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

"T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some

paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square,

and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned

with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles

of 3 cookies.............Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his

cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of

milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured

exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee


and said, "What can your cat do?"

The Government Employee called his cat and said:

"CoffeeBreak, do your stuff."

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.....ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation..............and went home on sick leave for the rest of the day. :)