A Million Things I'd Rather Do Than Vote for John McCain...

...and why scooping out my own eyeballs with a rusty melon baller is on the list. Look, people can say what they want to, and I respect the man's military service to this country and his disdain for pork barrel spending, but that. is. it. That's the entire list. I will no sooner vote for this illegal immigrant enabling, terrorist coddling, glow-bull warming worshipping, anti-tax cutting, free-speech squashing, mainstream media darling (until the general election, when he assumes the form of a bug when colliding with a windshield at high speed), non-straight talking weather vane of a politician than I would volunteer to have my future infant son shot out of one of those T-shirt cannons at a Memphis Grizzlies NBA game. And that's before Ann Coulter has her say. Do read the whole thing, but here's your money quote:

"John McCain is Bob Dole minus the charm, conservatism and youth. Like McCain, pollsters assured us that Dole was the most "electable" Republican. Unlike McCain, Dole didn't lie all the time while claiming to engage in Straight Talk.

Of course, I might lie constantly too, if I were seeking the Republican presidential nomination after enthusiastically promoting amnesty for illegal aliens, Social Security credit for illegal aliens, criminal trials for terrorists, stem-cell research on human embryos, crackpot global warming legislation, and free speech-crushing campaign-finance laws.

I might lie too, if I had opposed the Bush tax cuts, a marriage amendment to the Constitution, waterboarding terrorists and drilling in Alaska.

And I might lie if I had called the ads of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth "dishonest and dishonorable."

Human Events gets in on the fun too right here. Couldn't have said it better myself.