A Novel Father's Day Idea

This is something I have been thinking about for a while, and I finally came up with something unique that is based on an idea my dad had regarding his father which, unfortunately, never came to pass because my grandfather died sooner than we expected. My idea is to have an e-mail exchange of life experience and lessons about fatherhood with my dad. He's far from an old man (even though I affectionately call him that sometimes), and he still has all his marbles, so now is as good a time as any to see if this is something he'd be interested in. It would be invaluable to me for guidance in my own journey toward and through fatherhood, and my prayer is that it would enrich his life as well. Here is the text of the first of what I hope will be many e-mails between us...enjoy!

Dad,

I know I wished you a Happy Father's Day yesterday at the hospital after we were done visiting with Vickie, but I wanted to reiterate it on the actual day itself.

I also had an idea I wanted to run by you to see if it's something you might be interested in. I remember you once said that you wished you had been able to have Grandpa Whittaker sit down and record some stories from his lifetime so that you could listen to them after he passed on. We may do that ourselves someday if you'd like, but I don't think you're THAT old yet. :) My idea is that, since I am now officially a stepfather and hoping to become a dad of my own someday soon, I'd like to exchange e-mails with you Dad to Dad, just on Father's Day to start, but maybe more often if it works for both of us. My thought is that I could tell you some things about what I have learned as a dad-type person so far, and you can give feedback, share memories of us growing up, or anything else you'd like to say. So, I'll get us started with my take on my first year of being a step-dad and a married man and we can go from there.

Year 1 of the step-dad experience has been interesting to say the least. I know you will find this impossible to believe, but I have found myself channeling you quite a bit. For example, if I had a nickel for every time I said things like "No ma'am!", "Absolutely Not!", or "Go say (insert appropriate nice thing here) to your Momma" to Grace, I would have already had more than enough money to ride out a lengthy stretch of unemployment...alas, such is not the case.

One thing I thank God every day for is Grace herself and how God has made her. Is she developing into a full-blown teenager with all the attitude and know-it-all mindset that comes with that? Yes. However, she is very intelligent and willing to listen to reason if you can make a good case for what you are trying to explain, which is helpful. Also, I think because Althea has had to be both mom and dad for so long, which includes yelling and raising her voice as a dad normally would. Because of Althea's past relationships, she has a chip on her shoulder and a sometimes bad attitude when it comes to men giving her grief. Grace has picked up this attitude, and therefore goes right back at Althea with gusto when Althea slips into dad mode, which makes Althea insane and sends her into orbit. In a somewhat large irony, I often find myself in the role of the person who defuses the situation and lowers tempers and temperatures. I have also found that Grace will calm down and listen to me when I put a little bass in my voice, speak strongly and quietly without getting angry, and when I make good logical sense. I am hopeful that this, along with the volunteer work I am putting in with the children's ministry at church, will come in handy when my son(s) come along.

On a somewhat separate note, I am already discovering just how hard it is to be a parent. Specifically, kids think parents are invincible, that they have all the answers, and that they should be perfect. Parents are just human, no more and no less, and they simply aren't perfect. My two biggest goals as a parent are: 1.) to get the big things right; and, 2.) to be honest. If I don't have the answer, I won't lie or fake it, but I will look into the question, find the answer if at all possible, and report back to the child. I think they respect that. One of the biggest reasons I have so much respect for you, Dad, is because I look back and see that you did the best you could with the sometimes jacked up hand you were dealt, and because you got the big things right. Stylistic and implementation disagreements aside, you always stressed to us the things that would make us quality, successful men: honesty, integrity, politeness, hard work, giving great effort, and giving us all the support and space you could for us to discover and pursue the things about which we were passionate. Great job Dad, thank you.

In closing, since I am likely to be coming up on the baby phase of fatherhood in the near future, what would you say are the hardest thing(s) and the coolest thing(s) about being a dad to a baby? Any fun and/or interesting stories and memories from our childhood would be valued and welcomed. Again, Happy Father's Day old man, I love you, and we are always praying for you.

--CR