Immigration Policy Alone Will Keep Fred! in the Race

After reading this story from Emperor Misha, a Fred Thompson/Duncan Hunter ticket looks better than ever. Now, if only Thompson will at least act like he cares that he's running for President and stabilize his campaign staff...

"We’re sure that all the Guilianistas out there will immediately rush to Rudy “Sanctuary City”’s defense, pointing out how a head of lettuce will cost at least $700 three weeks after Fred! takes office:

Senator Fred Thompson today unveiled a comprehensive border security and immigration enforcement proposal that would make America safer by increasing security at our nation’s borders, enforcing our country’s existing laws to reduce the incentive for illegal immigration and streamlining the legal immigration process.

Increasing security at the border (as opposed to Rudy “Come One, Come All!” Giuliani’s “technological fence” which, translated into plain English, means “not much of a fence at all but it sure does sound nifty!”), enforcing existing laws (Oh HORROR!) and streamlining the legal immigration process???

Do go on. You’ve got our full attention.

Highlights of the proposal include:

• No Amnesty: Amnesty undermines U.S. law and policy, rewards bad behavior, and is unfair to the millions of immigrants who follow the law and are awaiting legal entry into the United States.

Cue Open Borders “conservatives”: “But it’s not AMNESTY!!! It’s, er, something ELSE that is exactly the same, but we’ve thought up a new name for it.”

And, as a legal immigrant who patiently (well, most of the time) awaited his turn and jumped through every last hoop that the INS put up before him, including the ones on fire and the ones where he had to sit on his hindlegs, bark for a biscuit and shake paws afterwards, allow us to point out that it’s a huge fucking insult to us personally to watch a bunch of criminal scofflaws get everything handed to them on a silver platter.

Not to mention that we don’t exactly have a current shortage of lazy fucks expecting to get everything for free in this country, so there’s little sense in importing more. After all, how much value can you possibly bring to a society if your first “contribution” is to take a piss on said society’s laws because you’re too bloody “inconvenienced” by having to fill in papers and wait in line with everybody else? Huh? Anybody? Bueller???

• Enforce Existing Federal Laws: Enforce the laws Congress has already enacted to prevent illegal aliens from unlawfully benefiting from their presence in the country including:

Enforce existing laws rather than throwing up your hands and declaring defeat, thinking up new laws to make breaking the old ones legal? What a concept. WHAT. A. CONCEPT!

We’re sure that Mickey “I’ll Throw a Hissy if You Ask Me to Do My Actual Job” Jerkoff dropped his skull wax into the bathroom sink upon hearing THAT suggestion.

A. End Sanctuary Cities by cutting off discretionary federal grant funds as appropriate to any community that, by law, ordinance, executive order, or other formal policy directs its public officials not to comply with the provisions of 8 USC 1373 and 8 USC 1644, which prohibit any state or local government from restricting in any way communications with the Department of Homeland Security “regarding the immigration status, lawful or unlawful, of an alien in the United States.”

The so-called “You Can Piss on Federal Law if You Must, But You Won’t Be Doing it on the Federal Dime” Act of 2009. We like it. We really, really like it. Of course, that would’ve bankrupted Rudy “Sanctuary City” Giuliani back in the day, but we can’t really say that we give a good fuck.

B. Deny discretionary Federal education grants as appropriate to public universities that violate federal law by offering in-state tuition rates to illegal aliens without also offering identical benefits to United States citizens, regardless of whether or not they live in the state, as required by 8 USC 1623.

Not only is current practice obviously discriminatory, which used to be illegal, it’s also a kick in the teeth to legal residents who have to pay full price. You know, the legal resident schmucks who actually pay taxes, the taxes that pay for the Federal grants.

Also, somebody please explain to us how somebody who isn’t supposed to be here in the first fucking place can be “in-state?” They should be “in-jail, awaiting deportation”, not sucking up the taxpayer’s dime, getting education that many legal residents can’t afford because the illegals have sucked the kitty dry (and taken up all the slots).

C. Deny discretionary Federal grants as appropriate to states and local governments that violate federal law by offering public benefits to illegal aliens, as prohibited by 8 USC 1621(a).

Again: This should be a gimme. After all, knowingly handing out public bennies to people not eligible for them in the first place is every bit as illegal as forging documents in order to apply for them. Those local officials shouldn’t merely be denied Federal funding, they should be unceremoniously thrown in jail.

• Increased Border Security: Doubling Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents handling interior enforcement, increasing the Border Patrol to at least 25,000 agents, and increasing detention space to incarcerate illegal aliens we arrest rather than letting them go with a promise to show up later for legal proceedings against them.

Because we all know just how likely an illegal alien is to honor a promise to show up later so that he may be thrown out of the country, don’t we? That’s why those notices are called “Notice to Disappear”s.

• Attrition through Enforcement: Reduce the number of illegal aliens through increased enforcement against unauthorized alien workers and their employers. Without illegal employment opportunities available, fewer illegal aliens will attempt to enter the country, and many of those illegally in the country now likely will return home. This course of action offers a reasonable alternative to the false choices currently proposed to deal with the 12 million or more aliens already in the U.S. illegally: either arrest and deport them all, or give them all amnesty.

But, but… That’s all so logical! Not to mention that it doesn’t allow for juicy, histrionic RINO soundbites such as “anti-immigration haters!”, “you only want to gas all immigrants” and “Hitler! Hitler! HITLERRRRRRRRRRRR!” which, so far, is a perfect summation of the intellectual level that the RINOs have been capable of.

• Maximize Legal Immigration Program Efficiency: Reduce the backlogs and streamline the process for immigrants and employers who seek to follow the law. Also, simplify and expedite the application processes for temporary visas. Caps for any category of temporary work visa would be increased as appropriate, if it could be demonstrated that there are no Americans capable and willing to do the jobs.

Reinforcing good behavior by rewarding it? It’s a sad indictment of our society’s descent down the toilet bowl of life when somebody has to point this out in order for it to be mentioned at all, but there you have it.

• Modernize Immigration Law/Policy: Change the nature of our legal immigration system to welcome immigrants who can be economic contributors to our country and are willing to learn the English language and reduce the scope of chain migration by giving family preference in the allocation of lawful permanent resident status only to spouses and minor children of U.S. citizens, and no one else (no siblings, no parents, no adult children, etc.).

Showing preference for individuals who can actually contribute and putting an end to chain migration of 19th cousins, 14 times removed? Denying parents and adult children might be a bit overly harsh, but that gives us something to haggle about.

• English as Official Language: Make English the official language of the U.S. to promote assimilation and legal immigrants’ success, and require English proficiency in order for any foreign person to be granted lawful permanent resident status.

Just wait for the liberals to start arguing that the Founders weren’t actually English speakers, just as they’ve tried arguing that the country wasn’t founded on Christian values by posthumously making all of the Founders “deists”, atheists, wiccans and worshippers of Cthulhu. Not to mention that it’s fascist and destabilizing to insist on a common language. Multi-culti linguistic confusion is the way ahead. Just look how well it worked in the Balkans!

• Preference for American Military Service: Place those foreign persons who are lawfully present in the country and who serve honorably in the Armed Forces of the United States on a faster, surer track to U.S. citizenship.

Not disagreeing with the concept one little bit, after all they’ve earned it more than most, but it’s my impression that that’s already the case. Last I heard, we just naturalized a bunch of brave volunteers after a year or less of service, which is how it ought to be, but it’s also a damn sight faster than what a civilian immigrant has to look forward to.

Nice work, Fred!

Not to mention that, according to the polls taken during the Shamnesty of ‘07 debacle, you have about 70-80% of the American people behind you on all of it. But you’ll make the RINOs cry, that’s for sure."