OK, so some people have guilty pleasures like chocolate, others drugs and alcohol, and me, certain reality TV shows. The way I figure it, the shows won't make me fat, and at least if they kill off brain cells or make me dumber for having watched them, at least it will happen at a slower pace. I have watched every season of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" when they have come on. As a funny side note, only two of the previous six male bachelors on the show have made their relationships with the woman they chose at the end work in the real world. The bachelorettes, on the other hand, are two for three. Draw whatever conclusions from that you will.
What has occurred to me the most, including tonight, is that the bachelors almost always seem to end up with two women who could not be more polar opposite of one another. It is so pronounced that I find it hard to see how one of the two (whichever one doesn't match) even makes it to the final two of the show. I suppose part of it could be played up by the producers for TV effect, through editing and the like, but it still got me to thinking, and here is why. The show, and the bachelors, just like this season, set it up as a choice between one deeply emotional and mysterious girl whose match with the bachelor is not readily apparent (but with unlimited upside potential) versus the good, safe, honest girl with everything a man could want in a good wife and mother (with all the cards ever to be played pretty much laid out on the table).
I happen to believe that this is a false choice, and find myself counting my blessings that life doesn't work like a TV show. My take is that there needs to be a little of both present in a high-quality mate in order to maximize the potential relationship growth and happiness. Put another way, two people need to be enough alike and have enough common interests to form a cohesive bond, but be sufficiently dissimilar with enough different interests to stave off staleness and boredom with one another.
Expanding on the last paragraph with a tangent to my own experience, I don't think my growth is supposed to stop just because I might meet someone and decide I like them enough to get married and have a family with them. Just the opposite, I think that phase of your life should present some unique and amazing growth opportunities for you and your spouse. While priorities and responsibilities most certainly get re-arranged after marriage and family come along, that does not mean the self, the core of a person from before they were married, has to die. It is the responsibility of the two people in the relationship, on the front end, to ascertain whether sufficient mystery and safeness can co-exist, whether they can keep the relationship unit thriving while still allowing the individuals who comprise it growing and happy, while still completing the tasks that come along with everyday life. I once read somewhere that a relationship, marriage included, is no better or worse, no more or less healthy, than the people who make it up, and that sounds about right to me.
I want someone who challenges and inspires me on many levels, but without being pushy or awkward about it; someone who is a bit of a mystery on the front end but is willing to open up her heart and let me in when the time is right; someone who I know to be safe, with whom I am secure in my trust, but yet at the same time, someone who will, at the moment of truth on our journey, step up and take a leap of faith and wise risks with me down the road in order to achieve greatness together. I want someone who, when we are together, fits in well enough so the world doesn't necessarily scratch its head with utter confusion at us as a couple, while also recognizing that there are certain things that can only be shared and make sense between us. On the things that make sense to us alone, I could give a crap whether anyone else gets it or not as long as it works for us...this sounds a little like an addendum to my "beyond the list" post from last week now that I think of it.
Simply put, I want it all for my own life, and if the participants on these kinds of TV romance shows don't see that at the end of the show, they should not choose anyone and go home, still single and with dignity intact, grateful for meeting new people and having a growth-inspiring learning experience.
